God Might Know Trump is a Bigamist

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Vonda Brewer (a.k.a. the "Nagging Prophetess") seems to be saying that God told her President Donald Trump is a bigamist with a child, but God is not quite sure about it.
 

CAUTION! If you watch the following video you can never get your eighteen minutes back:

She couches her word from God in a lot of uncertainty, probably because of her previous epic dump Trump fail.
 

She claims God gave her permission to release this video, and that it's revelation from God.
 

Yet she couches this direct revelation from God in the language of uncertainty, by couching it with the word allegedly. Vonda says what she's saying isn't true until it's proven to be true.
 

She even claims someone contacted her and gave confirmation on her supposed vision.

So you have God giving and confirming a vision, and giving permission to release a video that may or may not be true?

This lacks any coherency whatsoever. Vonda is trying to have both certainty and uncertainty. 

Not only does she lack any coherency, at one point in the video she starts talking about Ivanka and Melania's undergarments. 
 

God doesn't hedge his bets. When he gives direct prophetic revelation, you can count on it. Who does hedge their prophetic bets? Failed false prophetesses who are trying to give themselves cover. 
 

Of course, this "prophetess" is as phony as a three dollar bill, but these same confusing and idiotic forms of "teaching" are used by superstars Mike Bickle, Bill Johnson and everyone else in the New Apostolic Reformation. 

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

— 1 John 4: 1

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

— 1 Corinthians 14: 33

“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?”

— Jeremiah 5: 30-31

“And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ when the Lord has not spoken.”

— Ezekiel 22: 28

“Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity
to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.”

— Lamentations 2: 14

“For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.”

— Matthew 24: 24

What if You're the Sneaky Squid? Jennifer LeClaire's Advice for Failed Prophets

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Jennifer LeClaire Senior Editor of Charisma Magazine wrote about the Sneaky Squid Spirit, which was also covered in this blog. What happens if you end up being a Sneaky Squid Spirit? What if you are a failed prophet who totally bamboozles someone with a false prophecy? LeClaire took some time on Facebook to give her "sage" wisdom.

If anyone is going to be an expert on false prophecy it's certainly someone like LeClaire who invents ridiculous things like the "Sneaky Squid Spirit." LeClaire is an expert regarding false prophecy, in fact, she does it really well. In this video she tells people who invented things in their head ("prophetic words") to ask the Holy Spirit to give them guidance when their prophetic words are false, but she doesn't direct them to God's Word for truth, instead she tells them to go back into their faulty and cloudy minds to hear from God. 

LeClaire tells false prophets to repent, and that's good advice, but only partially. Scripture is very clear on prophets. You're either an accurate prophet, or you're a false prophet. There are no Bible verses encouraging anyone to give false prophetic words over and over until you eventually get it right.

“But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in my name that I have not commanded him to speak, or[f] who speaks in the name of other gods, that same prophet shall die.’ And if you say in your heart, ‘How may we know the word that the Lord has not spoken?’— when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him.”
— Deut 18: 20-22
“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.”

                                                                                                                                                                   — 1 Corinthians 14: 33

“An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land: the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?”

                                                                                                                                                                       — Jeremiah 5: 30-31

“And her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ when the Lord has not spoken.”

                                                                                                                                                                              — Ezekiel 22: 28

“Your prophets have seen for you false and deceptive visions; they have not exposed your iniquity
to restore your fortunes, but have seen for you oracles that are false and misleading.”

                                                                                                                                                                   — Lamentations 2: 14

“For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.”

                                                                                                                                                                             — Matthew 24: 24

If you give a false prophecy you simply need to repent, and stop it. Don't take the "sage wisdom" of someone like LeClaire, even if she is the Senior Editor of a magazine. Take it straight from scripture. If you fail at prophecy, then you're simply a false prophet.

Here are some more articles about the Senior Editor of Charisma Magazine (Jennifer LeClaire):

Jennifer LeClaire Gets Discernment 100% WRONG!

Which of These Crazy Quotes Did Jennifer LeClaire NOT Say?

"Step Into the Healing Flow and Receive God's Will for Your Life!" -Jennifer LeClaire

These false teachers are part of The New Apostolic Reformation

For those who think it's mean, judgmental and unloving to criticize Jennifer LeClaire (or any other popular teacher/prophet) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.

SHOCKING REVELATION! Adam Smarter than God, Asserts Jesse Duplantis

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Did you know the all knowing God created animals but didn't know what he created? According to Jesse Duplantis Adam knew more about animals than God did, and Adam even breathed life into the animals.

This is so absurd it shouldn't need to be addressed, but I'll address it. God created the animals before he created man. The animals were already described as living before Adam came on the scene. You can read about it in Genesis 1:20-31. Romans 11:34 says no one has ever counseled God, so the idea that God didn't know what he created is a huge load of nonsense.

Such heresy stems from a word of faith belief system that has man on the throne bossing God around with decrees. It's no wonder such a man-centered theology has the creation being smarter and more powerful than the creator.

“Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.”
— Romans 1:24-25 (ESV)

Jesse Duplantis lives in this obscene 20,000 square foot mansion:

Jennifer LeClaire Writes New Inspired Scripture?

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Jennifer LeClaire's new book Mornings With the Holy Spirit With Journal: Listening Daily to the Still, Small Voice of God, appears to be new scripture based on the book's description on Amazon.com.

“Mornings With the Holy Spirit with Journal is a daily devotional written as if the Holy Spirit is speaking directly to you. Through her personal journaling during times of worship, prayer, and just everyday living, Jennifer LeClaire has recorded the words the Holy Spirit has given her. Each entry includes a brief word from the Holy Spirit, relevant Scripture references, a prayer, and lines for recording God’s personal message to the reader.”
— Amazon.com book description of Jennifer LeClaire's book Mornings With the Holy Spirit With Journal: Listening Daily to the Still, Small Voice of God

1. Written "as if" the Holy Spirit is speaking directly to you.
2. Recorded the words the Holy Spirit has given her.
3. A brief word from the Holy Spirit.

That is not the description of a quaint personal reflection devotional. The claims above put this book on the same level as scripture. Words spoken by the Holy Spirit, directly to you, carry the weight of scripture. That means if you don't believe every "word from God" in this book, and disobey the "words", you are in fact disbelieving God and failing to obey God

Keep in mind, this is the same person who told us to beware of the sneaky squid spirit.

LeClaire is also the same person who claimed to have important direct revelation for the church, but instead of just publishing it free online, she held it ransom, so you had to purchase her book about Angels of Abundant Harvest.

Jennifer LeClaire has a clear history of saying nutty things, and using supposed "direct revelation" from God to put money in her bank account, instead of simply sharing it freely for the edification of the church.

Her latest book is about as inspired as The Trump Coloring Book.

Anointed Cake Saves Gay, Atheist, Bar Owner Says Lance Wallnau

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What should you do if you know a gay atheist who owned a bar and has a severe chip on his shoulder about Christianity? Most Christians within the bounds of orthodoxy would suggest praying for him, sharing scripture, and inviting him to church. But when you're a nutty seven mountains mandate guru entrenched in the NAR, you might suggest praying over a cake, potentially expecting God to use it as a means of grace.

Listen to Lance Wallnau, seven mountains mandate guru, and major NAR influencer share a testimony about an apparent gay atheist bar owner who was converted through an anointed cake.

You can view the nuttiness in its entirety here.

Listen to Chris Rosebrough talk about this theological train wreck on this episode of Fighting for the Faith: "Anointed Cake That Cures Homosexuality?"

Exorcism by Zerbert? Is "Prophetess" Mattie Nottage Zerberting Demons?

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It's possible "prophetess" Mattie Nottage may be zerberting demons, something potentially learned by watching The Cosby Show. (You can watch the scene here if you do not have a frame of reference for the zerbert.) Here are clips from a recent exorcism video she released.

It's hard to discern if she's actually making the zerbert noises or if those were edited in for dramatic effect. This "exorcism" is more about drawing attention to the false prophetess, than it is about setting someone free from demons. 

Here is the disaster in unedited long-form.

Customized Blasphemy - "Apostle" Kelly's Customized Holy Ghost White Cadillac

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In scripture Paul wrote of his struggles as an apostle. He described how he hungered, thirsted, was poorly dressed, buffeted, and homeless (1 Corinthians 4:11). Apostle John P. Kelly has a much different experience.

Biblical apostles reference the Holy Ghost in relation to the things of salvation. False super apostles view the third person of the Trinity as an amazing adjective to describe the paint color on their customized Cadillac.

A few days before the customized blasphemy post, "apostle" Kelly posted what looked to be a rebuke to modern day "apostles".

I can't see real apostles using the Holy Ghost as an adjective for a customized Cadillac paint color. On the other hand, I can see money grubbing, glory seeking "apostles" doing such a thing.

Visual Proof That Modern Churches are (Much) Better

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Wanna see a bunch of neanderthals living in the dark ages? Click through these photos and look at these silly old churches having old-fashioned worship services:

(Pretty embarrassing, isn't it??)

 

 

But now, take a look at these modern church services. THIS is what works! THIS is how you accurately and reverently worship the sovereign God of the universe!

(The following are all real snippets of modern Evangelical "worship services" from their own YouTube channels) 

 

You're Not a Christian If You Dislike the Shack?

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Did you know the litmus test for your very salvation could now be based on if you like or dislike The Shack?

Donald Woods, the Chief Spiritual Officer of The R Factor Ministries said on Facebook that perceptions of The Shack have created a new dividing line. (The quote below is reformatted for ease of reading; although it's still pretty incoherent and full of odd capitalizations.)

“THE SHACK:

We are in a Season of many Dividing Lines in the Sand [that same Sand that Jesus drew a Line in when People wanted to stone a Prostitute].

This Movie is one of those dividing lines! It reminds me of the United States Election; people strongly poised on one side or the other! One of the most illuminating observations in these latest seasons is how the Church is being divided into Two Categories:

1) The Religious, living by the Letter of the Law that Kills.

2) The Relational, living by the Spirit that gives Life. It reminds me of the TWO PENTECOSTS:

The First Covenant Pentecost, fifty days after the Passover, God gave the People the Law written on Stone, at Mount Sinai - Three Thousand People Died!

The Second Covenant Pentecost, fifty days after the Cross, God poured out His Spirit in the Upper Room, at Mount Zion - Three Thousand People Received Eternal Life! The Letter of the Law Kills, but the Spirit gives Life!

Now, if you are RELIGIOUS (meaning you live by the Letter over the Spirit) you will probably not like the Movie “The Shack”.

If you are RELATIONAL (meaning that your walk with God is built on a Personal Intimate Relationship) you will probably Love this Movie! For those who want a glimpse of the Unseen World of the Trinity - Father, Son, & Holy Spirit, this movie gives you a Visual of how they can interrelate in your life while here on Earth.

I personally Love how this movie is based on “All Good Things come Down from the Father of Lights,” and we are the Lights! The Foundation of this Movie is built on the Goodness of God, as a Loving Father, and that Nothing can Separate us from the Love of God! Also how Healing comes through Forgiveness - God wants to Heal what we are willing to Reveal.

I Learned from this Movie, that I am not the Judge, and that God is, and that I need to be looking at People from His Perspective, which is Heaven’s Perspective; then participating in bringing Heaven to Earth!

This Posting is not a Judgement, it is an Observation, you can decide what side of the Line you are on - that is between You and God. God is Love, and that Love at its highest Form, will break open any Shell that tries to keep us Imprisoned!
I personally recommend this Movie to see as many times as you can, because there are many Spiritual Layers that God can Speak through, that can be Unraveled or Revealed to our Hearts!”
— Donald Woods

Donald Woods is very clear in his dividing line. If you like The Shack, then you're living on the side of the dividing line which lives according to the Spirit. We know scripture clearly tells us in Romans 8:9 that if someone does not have the Spirit, they do not belong to God.

“You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.”
— Romans 8:9 (ESV)

The implications of this new dividing line are weighty, whether he understands the implications or not. Who knew so much hinged on your perception of one movie?

Lance Wallnau, the NAR "Seven Mountains" guru gave the post from Woods some credibility on Facebook.

So, Donald Woods is not judging you, but... if you don't like The Shack you're judgmental, religious and living by the "letter" and not by the "Spirit." What that phrase is distorted to mean is this: "Don't get too fussy about following the Bible, instead you should live by the Spirit." This is a complete misunderstanding of living by the Spirit; it's a way of saying that charismatic Christians have a more direct line straight to God that "regular" Christians don't have. "Regular" Christians only have the Bible according to this teaching, but "Spirit lead" (charismatic) Christians don't have much need for the Bible, because they have direct access to God through their feelings, impressions and experiences. So these "Spirit lead" Christians (who claim to have an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus) end up promoting this very unbiblical book: The Shack. Read about how William Paul Young has proven his great disdain for the Bible and Christianity itself in his brand new book: "Lies We Believe About God."

These "super spiritual" Christians have proven that they don't really believe and trust in God's Word, so they will gladly accept another book that tickles their ears with half-truths and outright blasphemy. Read more about this: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know!!

Bible 2: Volume 1 - Hail to the King of the Jews, Baby!

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Blasphemy has a name and that name is Bible 2.

Claiming to be the long-awaited sequel to the Bible this is so blasphemous it is hard to express our disdain without sinning. But we're still trying to figure out why Jesus is firing machines guns while riding my little pony. 

We're pretty sure some of the Seeker-Sensual Vision-Casting Leaders are getting their doctrine from this comic book. Makes sense if you think about it. If you think you can just make up your own personal Jesus then pretty much anything goes. 

Yes this is a real product that is really for sale.

Yes this is a real product that is really for sale.

"Pastor" Ed Young, Jr. Skips Around the Stage as Adults Applaud

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This is one of the biggest "pastors" in America. This is not satire. This was part of a horrible sermon series. Listen to Chris Rosebrough discuss this on this episode of Fighting for the Faith.

In case you're thinking, "Well at least he's getting people to come to church..." you need to read this:

The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Teaching

Shack Author Shares His New Age Mystical Side

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Here's a conference where only three people will be speaking (one of them is William Paul Young):

Trinity: The Soul of Creation

Here's a description of what they'll be talking about from their home page:

"Belief in a Trinitarian God is not primarily a Christian theological revelation as much as it is a metaphor for the nature of reality, both seen and unseen.

We find the pattern of dynamic relationship in the very structure of the atom, in our families, in ecosystems and economies. It is a pattern of mutual giving and receiving: in a word, Love. If Trinity is the model for Creation (Genesis 1:26-27), then it is a relational, benevolent universe.

Rohr, Bourgeault, and Young believe the Trinity—fully experienced and enjoyed—has the capacity to change everything. We already participate within this dance whether we realize it or not. But when we consciously engage in loving communion, we open ourselves to being transformed at the deepest levels.

We hope you leave with an entirely different way of knowing yourself and the world. Our teachers offer not mere information but wisdom that has implications for theology, psychology, science, and politics."

Does this sound like Christianity or some kind of New Age Mysticism? Here's a description of the speakers:

"Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest of the New Mexico Province. He is the founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation and academic dean of the CAC’s Living School in Albuquerque, New Mexico. An internationally recognized author and spiritual leader, Fr. Richard teaches primarily on incarnational mysticism, non-dual consciousness, and contemplation, with a particular emphasis on how these affect the social justice issues of our time."

"Cynthia Bourgeault is a modern day mystic, Episcopal priest, writer, and internationally recognized retreat leader. Cynthia divides her time between solitude at her seaside hermitage in Maine and traveling globally to teach the Christian contemplative and Wisdom path. A long-time advocate of Centering Prayer, Cynthia has worked closely with Thomas Keating and Bruno Barnhart."

 

Here's how William Paul Young is described:

"Wm Paul Young is author of the best-selling novel, The Shack. In this innovative, yet true-to-Scripture exploration of Trinity, Paul wrestles with the timeless question, “Where is God in a world of suffering and pain?” Paul has “the imagination of a writer and the passion of a theologian,” as Eugene Peterson says. His recent work of fiction, Eve, offers breathtaking discoveries that challenge traditional beliefs about who we are and how we’re made, helping us see each other as our Creator does—complete, unique, and not constrained by cultural rules or limitations."

 

These are certainly very nice people who sincerely believe what they believe, but it's obvious that they are not having a Christian conference; this is a complete departure from Biblical Christianity. Yet, Young's book The Shack, and it's companion movie is considered "must-see" and "must-read" by many Evangelical Christians. 

Here's more information about The Shack:

Shack Ebola Virus Outbreak 2 (Fighting for the Faith with more links)

Podcast: Marcia Montenegro Talks with Steve About the Shack (Messed Up Church Podcast with more links)

The Shack Movie Review by Pastor Ted Giese

 

Galatians 1:6-9  “I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; which is really not another; only there are some who are disturbing you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to what we have preached to you, he is to be accursed! As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to what you received, he is to be accursed!”

Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know!

"Beware of the Sneaky Squid Spirit" Says Jennifer LeClaire!

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Just What the Church Needs: "Glitter Ash Wednesday"

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Another crazy example of the "church" losing its moorings and entering a place of complete Apostasy and self-satire: 

"Glitter Ash Wednesday Sparkles for LGBT Christians and Others"

 

"A Transformational Oil Spill Is Coming" Says Charisma Magazine

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It appears that Charisma Magazine might be trying to compete with The Babylon Bee:

Prophecy: A Transformational Oil Spill is Coming

Maybe Dawn Hill, who wrote this strange little article, went and saw Heidi Baker last year:

Heidi Baker: "I Wanna Live an Oily Life!"

We here at Pirate Christian Media are READY FOR THE OIL SPILL!!!

Life is Too Short for Boring Sex

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Heath Mooneyham of Ignite "Church" has good news to tell the world. Unfortunately it has nothing to do with Jesus Christ and Him crucified for our sins. The good news that Mooneyham has to share is that Communication + Commitment = Intimacy and that equation is the secret to overcoming boring sex. We had no idea that one of the fruit of the Spirit is 'spicy sex' and the reason we were unaware of that is because the Bible doesn't teach this.

"The Sexy Gimmick Apostle"-Jeremy Gibbons Goes Full Throttle Sex in the City

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Self described "apostle" Jeremy Gibbons has decided to go full throttle "Sex in the City", as he dresses down the taboo topic of sex for the month of February.

God apparently needs help and manmade additions to the means he's given to the church for the conversion of the unregenerate. The first apostles were not aware of the need for sexy gimmicks, so good thing "apostle" Gibbons came along to be God's wingman.

Sex Doesn't Have to Be Grey?!?

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If you love sex then you're in for a real treat this weekend at Ignite "Church".  Heath Mooneyham, the pastor who was busted for a DUI and restored to ministry in a few short weeks, will be teaching everyone at Ignite how sex doesn't have to be grey.

Below is Ignite's promo video and Facebook post for the sermon. Note: they want people to share this video with their unsaved friends so they'll come to church on Sunday so that Mooneyham can teach them about sex.

Pastor Dykstra Will Teach You How to Date, Mate and Procreate

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Eric Dykstra, the vision-casting leader of The Crossing Church will be teaching the people at The Crossing how to date, mate and procreate. Oh goody.... :-/

One has to wonder if Dykstra is an expert on dating, mating and procreating (we pray the sermons aren't illustrated). One thing is certain, he's no expert on rightly handling God's Word and preaching Christ. Here's the promo video that The Crossing put together for this "ground breaking" sermon series.

Warning: You can never unsee this video once you watch it.

i-cant-12lj75.jpg

Dream Wild Mashup: Prophetic Words, Songs and Declarations by Jennifer LeClaire

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This is NOT satire, this is real:

Jennifer LeClaire is actually trying to sell CDs of this useless "prophetic" drivel, accompanied by some music. Her website says this: "This is a CD of prophetic words, sounds and decrees that defy impossibilities." Huh? Wouldn't it have been more honest to say: "This is a CD of various catch-phrases and slogans, accompanied by music. Jennifer LeClaire wants more money."

Real musicians are often making their entire albums available for FREE on various music websites, like Bandcamp and Soundcloud; but Jennifer puts this video of short samples on YouTube, without allowing anyone to hear the whole thing. Wait... this CD is a prophetic "word from God" but you need to send LeClaire $15.00 if you want to hear it?? 

No thanks, Jennifer, we've got the actual Word of God.