"Come Holy Spirit" Conference: Professional Speakers Need an Audience

Here's yet another conference... the Holy Spirit will "show up" and it'll change the whole world and stuff. If you go to this thing you'll never be same, blah blah blah...

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Okay, let's just be honest: These people are professional speakers and if you don't buy tickets to this thing, they won't make any money. 

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Here's what the title page says for this conference:

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So they ripped Acts 1:8 out of context and applied it to this conference! Here's more of the passage:

On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.” Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. (8) But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.
— Acts 1: 4-9

In the very next chapter of Acts, the Holy Spirit (really) fell on people:

When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance.
— Acts 2: 1-4

So the thing that this passage is pointing to has already happened. Read the rest of this chapter-it's an amazing passage of Scripture! We don't need to keep begging the Holy Spirit to fall (unless you want to sell more tickets to yet another conference).

The Holy Spirit has come.

These professional speakers don't want you to know that. They continually tell you that you don't have enough of the Holy Spirit until you buy tickets and go to their events and buy their books and get lulled into a semi-hypnotic state by the soft-rock worship team and then listen to people talk a lot, tell outlandish & unverifiable stories, and twist God's Word while they brag about how humble they are.

By the way, if you're really interested in getting more you can spend an extra $79 for the Premier Ticket to have one "meet and greet session" with a Super Apostle; maybe you'll get an "anointing" or "mantle" or "impartation" or something.

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Most of the 2nd chapter of Acts is the Apostle Peter's terrific sermon, where he tells people the hard truth that they've rejected the Messiah, Jesus, and are guilty of crucifying Him. This is what follows:

Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.” And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.” So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.
— Acts 2: 37-41

Indeed, let us all "save ourselves from this crooked generation."

Utterly Useless Blathering from Cindy Jacobs & Chuck Pierce

Here's a short video demonstrating the utterly useless "prophetic ministry" of people like Cindy Jacobs and Chuck Pierce. This happened in 2009, and like all of these types of prophetic messages, nothing is clearly being taught of any value, and nothing good happened as a result of this type of rambling, incoherent nonsense.

Dr. Michael Brown's Citizenship in Sid Roth-Iscam

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Have you heard of the country called Sid Roth-Iscam? It's a very special place, where only a select few can become citizens. Sid Roth-Iscam is where weak and vulnerable travelers lose their money and dignity, as the royal citizenry enrich themselves through fraud and deceit.

 

Dr. Michael Brown has proven his citizenry in this land. Here is a short video that explains the qualifications necessary to become a citizen of this land:

Thanks to Is Not Satire!


Remember, Dr. Michael Brown has publicly validated the "ministry" of his good friend, Sid Roth:

Want an "Imparting" From These Christian Superstars at the Presence Conference? Pay The Fee!

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Here's (yet another) conference where you're supposed to go and "encounter God." This one has superstars Rick Pino, Todd White, Misty Edwards, and a few other NAR people as guest speakers and musicians. Rick Pino is putting on this conference, that's why he gets top billing. This "Presence 2018" event is where the Holy Spirit has been scheduled to make an appearance.  

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(Notice above that these people have trouble spelling the word "Christianity" correctly; imagine how they handle actual Christian doctrine!)

Here's a screenshot of the ticket prices; notice the PREMIUM option:

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So, for an extra twenty bucks you can have an exclusive time of imparting with one of the celebrity worship leaders or speakers.

My dear Corinthians, although I would like to see you in person and have an exclusive time of imparting, I must be paid some sort of fee. I am, after all, the Apostle Paul.
— Things Real Apostles Never Say

 

It looks like Rick Pino is trying to kick-start his HOD School of Ministry. What does HOD stand for? House of David. This appears to be the latest trend in the hyper-Charismatic world: re-establishing the tabernacle of David

If you want to attend Pino's "school" you'll have to shell out $3,600 for a 12 week semester, and half of your academic day will involve "praying" and "worshipping" while hypnotic music lulls you into thinking that you're actually learning something. Here's what the schedule looks like:

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On Saturdays you'll have the opportunity to annoy the citizens of Austin, Texas, by continually attempting to make both of their legs the same length. The citizens of Redding, California would appreciate the chance to be left alone, so if you're thinking of attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, maybe give this school a try instead.

If you're sceptical that maybe Rick Pino's school isn't legit, don't worry: Kim Walker Smith thinks it's the place for you (she had her photo taken right after she got back from a Halloween party)...

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Here's a related article about this new "Skip Jesus and the New Testament" movement:

Re-Establishing the Tabernacle of David... in Australia

Here's more information about the highly paid professional speaker, Todd White:

Re-Establishing the Tabernacle of David... in Australia

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Because the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ isn't good enough for these people, they want to go back to the Old Testament. The School of Faith is asking for money to help them build the Tabernacle of David in Melbourne, Australia:

Not surprisingly, this organization is using curriculum from Bethel Church, Redding:

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Here's their plan:

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They've got it all: the "Encounter Gospel," the "five-fold ministry," the "7 Mountain Mandate," and on top of all that, they are going to "establish God's heart on earth."

You Can Unlock the Supernatural from the Courts of Heaven! (For $139.00)

Got an extra $139 laying around? The Apostle Robert Henderson will grant you permission to:

Unlock the Supernatural from the Courts of Heaven!

And if you think this is gonna be just another flakey conference don't worry, this conference features some heavyweight theologians like: Patricia King, Che Ahn, Randy Clark, Mark Chironna (who is sporting a new scholarly-looking beard and a cool Bill Johnson-style shirt!) and The Apostle Robert Henderson himself.

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Here's the Apostle Robert Henderson talking about how to get rich-oops, I mean unlocking wealth... but I'll save you the 28 minutes of worthless blathering. Wanna get rich? Charge a bunch of people $139 to "unlock the supernatural from the courts of heaven!"

By the way, if this sounds like the prosperity gospel to you, don't worry about it, because Dr. Michael Brown says it's not!


"Holy Sh*t!"-It's Heidi Baker at Brownsville!

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Here's a brief (and disturbing) compilation video of Heidi Baker when she was the special guest speaker at the Brownsville Assembly of God for a conference called Awake Deborah in 2003; the original video is two hours long:

Heidi tells somebody in the noisy, confused and writhing crowd "I know it hurts, it's holy though, don't be afraid..." She also asks God to "incapacitate" people. 

As Heidi is trying to impart something to Guatemala she is overcome by convulsions and says "holy sh*t, I'll come back..."

Here's that part of the original video: 

Dr. Michael Brown is a big defender of Heidi Baker, so you can be assured that she's legitimate!

Thanks to Is Not Satire for bringing this to our attention!

The Benny Hinn vs. Todd White Sing-Off Competition and Commissioning Ceremony

2017 was a really good year for Todd White; he became a "Christian Super Star" and even received extra special treatment from Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn! In this video, we see the special sing-off competition and commissioning ceremony that took place at the Jesus Conference 2017:

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Todd White really knows how to go BIG. He went from a complete unknown just a decade ago to sharing the spotlight with the world's richest and most notorious false teachers. 

 

Here he is talking about "encountering the Holy Spirit in a Benny Hinn meeting:"

 

Here he is practically speechless in the presence of the great and mighty Kenneth Copeland just a few months ago, as the two of them raise money for Todd's gigantic $19 million facility:

Todd White and Kenneth Copeland: Prosperity Pimps (Like the Apostle Paul)

In 2015 Todd White made over $600,000 from his little "street ministry!"

Please watch this interview with Benny Hinn's nephew, Costi Hinn, who has rejected the prosperity Gospel of his wealthy and famous uncle in order to follow Jesus Christ:

 

Here's an expose on Benny Hinn from 2002:

Here's what the Apostle Paul said about preachers getting rich:

2 Corinthians 2:17  “Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.”

1 Timothy 6:5, 9-10  “...and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. (9) But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. (10) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”

1 Corinthians 5:11-13  "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of a brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler-not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those on the outside. Remove the evil person from among you."

Titus 1:7-11  “For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.”

 

Here's what Jesus said about getting rich:

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:24  “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Luke 6:20-26  And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets. But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."

 

Here's what the Apostle Peter said about preachers getting rich:

2 Peter 2:1-3  “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves. Many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned; and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.”
 

Here's what the Apostle John says about getting rich:

1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. And this world is fading away, along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

Here's Todd White's $1 million mansion:

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SYNERGIZE: The Ox and Eagle Anointings Collide! LeStrange and LeClaire Spoof Themselves

This really sounds like something made up as a satire post... but it's real. It would be fun to somehow make this more ridiculous, but we can't figure out a way to do that. It might be worth noting that Ryan LeStrange has recently adopted his new "Do These Make Me Look Smarter?" eyeglasses, so maybe he's received new revelatory powers as a result.

They are actually SELLING tickets to this festival of idiocy:

Thanks to Is Not Satire for the scoop on this unbelievably stupid event!

The Prophet Bob Jones: "A Three Foot Tall Being Rang My Doorbell"

In this video interview, it only took about two minutes for the late "prophet" Bob Jones to prove himself to be a delusional nutcase on the order of cult leader Joseph Smith. Amazingly, Bob Jones is at the very heart and center of the New Apostolic Reformation; his "prophetic words" are responsible for establishing many of the major ministries associated with the NAR.

"Throw An Infant Against the Wall and Kick It Like a Football" On Sid Roth's Show

The horrifying "stories" of Smith Wigglesworth need to be re-enacted, according to Sid Roth. Here's an edited version of this recent "It's Supernatural" broadcast:

If you're a glutton for punishment, here's the entire show:

Although this teaching on Sid Roth's show sounds insane and extremely dangerous, it appears that Dr. Michael Brown approves.

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Here's an important article about Smith Wigglesworth: "If You Can't Heal 'Em, Beat 'Em?"

Smith Wigglesworth was the inspiration for false teacher and proven fraud, Todd Bentley, among others. This bizarre teaching resulted in The Charismatic Day of Infamy.  

NAR Publisher Larry Sparks: "We Need to Be 'Weird' Again"

Yeah Larry, that's the problem with the New Apostolic Reformation: It needs to get weird again.

This is an article claiming that the Holy Spirit wants to do something, but He can't. He's waiting for enough people to accept weirdness as a true sign of His working. As long as Christians are hesitant to embrace weird (and unbiblical) manifestations the Holy Spirit has no choice but to withdraw His presence. According to Larry Sparks, there are only two choices: either stale, dry, dead religion OR a true revival that is intrinsically weird. He says this: "Every time God moved in Scripture or recent history, His movement—by and large—was accompanied by weird phenomena."

Come on people! I wanna see you squirming around on the floor and flopping like fish! Or you could at least laugh hysterically like drunken fools. Show me that you really mean business by behaving insane, or I’m going to take my toys and go home!
— Things the Holy Spirit Never Said
Randy Clark Making a Lady Scream in Pain by "Anointing" her

Randy Clark Making a Lady Scream in Pain by "Anointing" her

Destiny House Publishing is a New Apostolic Reformation book publisher that publishes Bill Johnson, Kris Vallotton, Danny Silk, T. D. Jakes, Myles Munroe, Sid Roth, Doug Addison, Chuck Pierce, Heidi Baker, James Goll, John Crowder, John & Carol Arnott, Rick Joyner, Patricia King, Todd Bentley, Shawn Bolz, Randy Clark... and DR. MICHAEL BROWN (but don't worry, he's not a part of the NAR).

Here's a brand new Destiny House book that features Bill Johnson, Lou Engle, James Goll and... DR. MICHAEL BROWN:

But don't worry, Dr. Michael Brown is not a part of the New Apostolic Reformation.

Coming To Church Will Improve Viking's Chances of Winning the Super Bowl

Is your church having trouble attracting potential customers? No problemo! All you have to do to attract more people is tell them that their favorite sports team will have a better chance of winning The Big Game if they show up to pray. What could possibly go wrong with this church growth strategy?

Case and Point: This promo video from New Life Church Souix Falls

You'll notice that the video is intended to be funny, however there is some REALLY bad theology mixed in with it.

Jeff Jansen Was SO Hungry For God That Jesus Came Into His Room and Wrote This!

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Jeff Jansen is a lot more hungry than you are, so Jesus will not write "I Love You" into a rainbow on your bedroom wall. Sorry. 

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The Problem is Religion Has Told Us We're Sinners Saved by Grace

Tavner Smith of Venue "Church" believes that the reason that Christians don't experience their best lives now is because they believe the lie that religion told them that they're sinners saved by grace. The weird thing is that The Apostle Paul, as he was preparing to leave this life and be martyred for his faith in Christ wrote:

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” (1 Timothy 1:15–16)